Me, Myself And All That I Will Ever Be...

Monday, April 16, 2007

I Was Right All Along...

You know when you finally decide to move on with your life, not being stuck on the past anymore, look forward to all that beautiful things that may pass you if you remain in this one phase of your life...This new guys comes along.Making you feel all that chemistry and excitement that you once felt.Making you feel that hey maybe you CAN love again.You get all happy thinking that this could work,he could make you happy,he could be the one to make you smile every morning,he could be that special person who would take you for all that you are and make you feel that your worth everything that he can ever give you,even if its just his care,attention and love..I mean,isn't that all that we want??That is all that i could ever want..I never asked for a guy with money, fantastic looks or anything else..Just three very simple things that don't cost anything in this expensive world..

They say that everyone deserves a chance..everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt.And thats exactly what i did..when he came along i said to myself "Ok Archana,we can do this..we can try and give this relationship my all..you can open up your heart again..trust,take that risk and you may find happiness again".Although we may have had many fights since we got together last month i said it was ok.I mean people say that by arguing and having difference in opinions your actually strengthening the relationship rite?! Last Thursday I asked him to remind me to pass him something but he said he wouldn't take it unless i told him what it was.It was only a card i had made for him as last Sunday (15th April) would have been our first month anniversary and i realized i had never made him anything as such.He kept refusing so i got pissed and put down the phone.Five minutes later I get a sms from him asking me to come over to his apartment and bring the card along.

I passed him the card,he took it out of the plastic, looked at it then went inside his apartment to keep it then came out again.He then told me that he doesn't want to have anything till September.I was like "HUH?!"..yeah,he said something to the effect that until we know where we are headed to do medicine and stuff he doesn't want anything between us.Coz he said if we go to the same uni later then ok but if im in a whole different continent he doesn't want as he doesnt want a long-distance relationship.(Seriously neither do i but he should have thought about al this rite..i decided to give it a try coz we never know what the future holds for us rite..why not take the risk?We only live life once!)We're together but we are not together??I was so bloody confused thinking oh my,here we go again!!Obviously i got damn bloody pissed off so i asked him why then even bother doing everything.Why confess to me?Why get me to fall for him?Why tell me before on his knees that he has very much fallen for me??Good lord!!Then he suddenly can say that he hates my character!!What the fuck?!

He told me that he wants me to change if we were to continue..Meaning when he comes back for me in September he wants me to work on myself by then..Three things he doesnt like about me:
1)My anger (he has it too so he said he cant be with a gurl who has a temper just like him)

2)Im very controlling (just coz i ask him where he is and what hes up to..Hello,from the beginning ive already made it very clear that im possesive?!?!)

3)The fact that i keep telling him "go flirt la go,im sure their waiting for you(excuse me but im memang sarcastic ok..thats just the blood in my veins flow!And he is a flirt..everyone says agrees to that even he does but he just doesnt liek me saying it..P?S:So TOTALLY doesnt make sense!)

Excuse me la ah,but i will change myself for no one but myself.And truthfully i love the way i am!So to hell with him if he expects me to change for him!He just came into my life and he thinks he's got the right to change myself?What he actually thinks im the kind of girl that would be at his every wimp and fancy??He's so gotta be kidding himself la..I dont get why everytime i decide to give someone the benefit of teh doubt they just go straight on and prove me wrong!And does he think im some kind of product that says "Mula guna pada bulan September sahaja"...why do guys think that they can leave the girl as and when they want to and when they wish to come back to her,she's supposed to welcome him with open arms??Do we look that pathetic??Im very sorry but im not like that..If i loved you that much to forgive you and to know that i love you no matter what i might consider the whole thing,i might even be willing to wait for you.I know this coz i once loved someone that way..but Joshil..he doesn't even know the real Archana all that well.What he has seen is just a surface to who i am.Theres so much more depth in me that he has yet to discover..How could someone who doesnt know who i am and cant except me for who i am expect me to do everything his way just because he says so..Typical indian guy!!

I can live without a guy in my life..if i was meant to have someone in my life he will arrive when the tim eis right..I dont want to go throught all the shit of being hurt again!Everytime i put myself out there i just get hurt..i live by the saying that "Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you yet trustng him enough not to"..Do i trust him enough??Right now the answer is i dont think so..No guy who trully loves or cares for a girl treats her this way..if he aint man enough to face the world with her and take the risk,then he just isnt worth her time!You can qoute me on that..if he really wanst me back we'd just have to see how things go..for now its just me,myself and the wonderful I!!Im better off alone anyway..i LOVE me!

I told the story ... 1:46 PM